Updated: Oct 6, 2020
Nawa, a girl wey be from Naija dey try oh! (Wow, a girl from Nigeria is trying!)
I love being Nigerian, I really do, but sometimes I feel like changing nationalities to be perfectly honest. I also love Nigerian shawarma, so I don't really want to change nationalities.
Hello, how you dey? My name is Adanma Maryanne Nkemdilim Enuma Nnadiekwe, whew, I would continue but I'm tired. Now, I have been Nigerian since birth and the following are 5 parts of what it is like to be Nigerian.
Okay, here it goes.
1. Prayer Is The Master Key
So, since birth, my mother presses on the power of prayer. My dad is Catholic and my mom was Baptist, so you already know I have a blush pink bible and bible journal. Every Saturday morning, we have bible study and prayer sessions that literally take at least 3 hours.
I kid you not. So, prayer is a huge thing in my family.
2. Informing Them Two Weeks Prior To Anything
They don't care if you are going to a club or bible study. As long, as you inform them where you are going at least two weeks in advance. I remember once that I was supposed to go this get-together with my friend. I told my mom the day before and though it was a girl-only, five-person, I'll-only-pop-in-and-out type thing, IN THE SAME BUILDING, my mom cackled and told me the fattest NO. She then continued to ramble about how I think she is my slave and my driver.
Sounds crazy, I know.
3. No Boys In Elementary, Middle & High. But, Produce A Husband After University
Key word: Produce, not find.
I'm sorry, where am I supposed to find a husband? In the vast library of my university? Like how am I supposed to find a husband if I haven't been scoping the area first? Everything you do must be centered around finding a husband. You learning how to cook and clean? Husband. You learning how to dress? Husband. You learning how to act? Husband.
With all this trouble I am going through, I hope the man is the president or a royal heir lmao.
4. NOTHING Is Clean Enough. Ever.
Ha! You finished cleaning your entire house and can bet on your life that there's no dirt. NOPE! An African parent will find dirt. It's like their eyes are machines. They also forget all the times you do clean and when you forget to clean ONCE, the whole [INSERT COUNTRY YOU LIVE IN] must know how lazy you are and how you are a pig, idiot, disappointment, e.t.c.
5. They Will Never Admit They Are Wrong
Ok. Fake scenario. You come home from school and your mom has this idea that you cut school OUT OF NOWHERE! She whoops your behind because she gets a missed call from your school with a voicemail she has NOT OPENED YET. After you are in your room, planning to run away, she opens the voicemail which contained a message about the FOOD DRIVE YOUR SCHOOL WAS HOLDING. Does she apologize? No. (Is this a real scenario that I have personally experienced? Yes)
All I'm going to do is sigh because at this point, it is fruitless to argue.